1. Bum bag aka fanny pack
Fanny packs, aka bum bags always remind me of that awkward man wearing socks and sandals on a holiday, proudly displaying an I love Manchester t-shirt tucked in their combat short.
Yeah, you know what I am talking about.
Major fashion faux pas.
Not at a festival though.
Festivals are like this alternative dimension where bum bags are cool and if you want to be Uber cool there’s always the option to go for high street fashion branded fanny packs that are at least £50.
Yeah you heard me, I said high street fashion fanny packs. So what, I am still in festival mode.
Other than that they’re actually pretty useful. Got to put all my valuables in it and not lose anything. Not even £1.
If you’re more practical you can get one from Amazon for about 10 quid max.
Extra: Flower headbands
Not a major thing but it’s good fun. Combine that with item number 3 below and you got yourself a winner.
Flower headbands seem to be an absolute must for UK festivals. Probably because we don’t really have a summer or any other situation where wearing one would be allowed in public.
Have you tried to pee in the ladies toilets after the first half a day
It’s grim and extremely busy.
And if you don’t have a strong bladder you might end up peeing yourself or peeing around any corner available alongside other 300 girls wanting to do the same.
And men just have these stalls where in less than 1 min it’s all done.
But worry not ladies. I’ve discovered shewee.
Basically a funnel that you can use at festivals to pee like a man. Talk about gender equality.
I just got mine from Amazon for this year’s Vfest.
3. Face painting
Because it’s cool. And no other reason whatsoever.
And because at a festival it’s probably the only place you’re allowed as an adult to have butterflies and flowers painted on your face without anyone taking the piss.
4. Selfie bombing is an art form
Whilst waiting for the next act to start you will be stuck in the crowd with not much to do but drink and photobomb people’s selfies.
You need to wait for the right time and have the right face ready for action.
Takes years of practice.
I suggest practicing your photobomb face in the mirror before releasing it in the world.
5. Get them wellies
Wellies are defo a must have at a festival in the UK. Because it’s probably going to rain for 80% of your time at the festival and rain leads to mud.
And you really don’t need a rain coat either.
There’s no rain coat ever made that can protect you from the piss wet through storm I went through last year at Vfest. At one point I was colder and wetter with the bloody thing on so gave up, threw it away and started praying for the rain to stop.
There are certain situations in life when you simply have to man up and CTFO (chill the fuck out).
Wellies on the other hand, are probably one of the most essential items you should invest in. After the pouring rain there was a mud bath everywhere. There’s no way you can walk and still wear the shoes afterwards or have normal feet.
Bonus tip: spend a bit more than 10£ in Asda on your tent to avoid having a pool of rain water around you in the first night. It’s a UK festival after all.
Things to be avoided at a UK festival
Things to do if you want to be a total knobhead (1- less effective to 3 – total dick award)
- Throw your leftover drink in the crowd
- Throw a bottle with leftover drink and no cap in the crowd
- Piss in a cup and throw it in the crowd
I honestly witnessed all of the above happen and I still don’t understand WHY would any intelligent human being do such a thing.
At one point, at the verge of a nervous breakdown I went to one of these people and asked: WHYYYY?
They’re excuse was: it’s just beer mate.
Felt like pouring my beer over their heads, smiling and saying it’s just beer.
But then again beer was too expensive and really not worth wasting on those individuals.
Other than that, I loved going at a festival in the UK. So much so I am going again this year.